Changing Expectations

I was talking with a good friend the other day about how I never expected to be "this mom".  I always imagined myself as the fashionable mom in heels with a latte, skinny of course, on her way to her big, important job.  I always imagined myself as a mom, just not the one who was fretting over washing the cloth diapers, or the one feeling like she was cheating her child by feeding it something other than home made baby food.  I find it so interesting how differently I view the world and things of importance now.

I feel the same way about the people I surround myself with.  I always wanted to be friends with the "it" crowd.  The ones who were on the cutting edge of what was cool.  Now, the people I think are the absolute coolest, are the ones who I can talk to about strange poop and sore nipples.  Some of  my closest friends now, I probably would have thought were crazy a few years ago.  Heck, I would have looked at me and thought I was crazy.  I am so lucky to have those people in my life now.

I look at all of the changes in my life recently, and can't find a way I would want to do things differently.  I have started to think about what I want to do "when I grow up" again though.

I left college after my freshman year, mainly because I had no earthly idea what I wanted to do.  In the back of my mind, I knew I wanted to be a wife and a mom.  Yes, I do mean in the 50's standard.   Having dinner on the table for my husband when he got home, pearls, the whole bit.  I just didn't know what I wanted to be  when I grew up.  After doing some serious thinking, and talking with Dan, I have decided it is a 3 part process.  I am going to start with getting a certification in Lactation Consulting.  I haven't decided if I want to do that with the nursing degree or not.  Right now, leaning towards not.  There are few things that I view as more important than giving your child the best start possible.  I am a hard core "boob girl" at this point and want to help any mom who is trying to breast feed be as successful as possible.  Then, I want to become a doula.  One of the most self sacrificing careers out there is to be a doula.  This person is there only to support a mom 100%.  I was unjustly lucky to have the most amazing friend be my doula when Gabe was born, and I can never repay her for that.  I want to be able to give that to other women.  Then, somewhere down the road, I want to become a midwife.  I want to be able to help another woman bring her child into this world.  I want to be there for other women, through all of the beauty that is pregnancy and child birth and help them in the ways I was helped.

I am excited about the direction my life is taking.  I believe everything happens for a reason, and things are starting to take shape for me to plan my future.  As scary as it can be, it is exhilarating at the same time.

Now, number 1 priority, Gabe has just woken up and is doing the I want boob cry.  I swear this kids first words are going to be , yum yum booby time.  (family is NOT so excited about that one :) ).