Realization

I am not fat.

I am not skinny either.

Before getting pregnant, I was "that girl".  The skinny one who ate whatever she wanted and still weighed 115 or less.  I was that girl that you probably hated.  Well now you get your revenge.

While pregnant I gained 70lbs.  Now to be fair, had I been the weight that I was supposed to be for my height, it would have only been 55lbs gained, but still.  Let me repeat that, I gained 70lbs.  That is a ton of weight to gain in 9 months.  I was eating fairly healthy, still working full time, and had the same activity level before pregnancy.  Toward the end, I swelled like a puffer fish and had pitting edema.  Kind of like being a memory foam mattress, not fun.  I hoped and prayed that I would give birth to a huge baby and then the weight would just melt off.

I had always planned on breast feeding, and was told countless times the weight would disappear so quickly.   That in no time at all, I would be back to my normal size.  Here's the deal kids, they lied.  I realize that it's only 5.5 months since G was born, but, this is not my normal body.  Things have moved around and are shaped differently now.

G is exclusively breast fed, and yes, that does burn calories, BUT that also means I have to be careful and still take in the right amount of calories and not burn too many as to not hurt my supply or send toxins through my milk.  This has caused me to be VERY careful about what I eat for the first time ever.

I think women need to be more honest or at least speak out more about what actually to expect after giving birth.  Everyone is different and some people do have the weight just fall off, but to say that it happens for everyone gave me quite a complex for a while.  I wonder if I had it in my mind that it would take a long time (  more than instant) I would have been able to attack this differently.

I did lose 30 lbs right after G was born, and with some work, in the last 2 months I have lost another 10.  I am still 15 away from my goal, but I have a better mentality about it.

I look at my son and ask myself what is more important.  Fitting into my "skinny" jeans or nourishing him?   There isn't a question, of course I am going to put my son first.  After making that decision, I really started reevaluating all of my priorities.  I am not the same person I was pre baby.  My priorities have changed, just like they did after I got married.  I have this other person in my life who I want to put before myself.  His needs are my first priority and always will be.  I made the decision to stop worrying so much about what was on the scale and more how my baby is growing and thriving.  How every day he is becoming more active and has been the best thing to ever happen in my life.

I am continuing to be healthier, but not in the obsessive way I was before.  I do want to tone and continue on toward my goal, but for now my baby wants to eat and by gosh, I am going to feed him.











                                                          This is the day I gave birth.

So here it is, my very first blog post ever!  Right now I am deciding what I want to say in all of these. Frankly, my posts will probably be all over the place, full of confusion, and lots of talk of poop.  This is my life.  I feel like this will be a good way of keeping up with people and maybe oversharing every now and again.  Right now the little monkey in the picture is rolling all over me trying to add his opinion to what I am typing.  I think he realizes that I am going to give away all of his secrets on here.  One day I am sure this is going to be completely mortifying for him.  Small part of me says, well he will probably deserve a little mortification at some point.  This isn't so bad, at least I am not taking and putting up the naked baby on a rug picture.  It has crossed my mind, but I am a cool mom who won't do those things.  Hear me G?  I am a cool mom.  Remember that as you get older.  Oh, and your dad is pretty cool too.  Like right now, dear hubby is making lasagna for dinner.  He actually cooks more than I do since he gets home earlier than I do.  That and I am a little afraid of our stove.  We have to turn the gas on and light it with a lighter or match.  I am terrified that one of these times it is going to blow up in my face and singe off my eyebrows.  ( See what I mean, ADD type thought processes for me).  And now the little one has realized that I am not paying full attention to him and is demanding that I do.  Perhaps later I can get him to sleep and become the most entertaining blog anyone has ever read.  Here's to the dream.......