Realization

I am not fat.

I am not skinny either.

Before getting pregnant, I was "that girl".  The skinny one who ate whatever she wanted and still weighed 115 or less.  I was that girl that you probably hated.  Well now you get your revenge.

While pregnant I gained 70lbs.  Now to be fair, had I been the weight that I was supposed to be for my height, it would have only been 55lbs gained, but still.  Let me repeat that, I gained 70lbs.  That is a ton of weight to gain in 9 months.  I was eating fairly healthy, still working full time, and had the same activity level before pregnancy.  Toward the end, I swelled like a puffer fish and had pitting edema.  Kind of like being a memory foam mattress, not fun.  I hoped and prayed that I would give birth to a huge baby and then the weight would just melt off.

I had always planned on breast feeding, and was told countless times the weight would disappear so quickly.   That in no time at all, I would be back to my normal size.  Here's the deal kids, they lied.  I realize that it's only 5.5 months since G was born, but, this is not my normal body.  Things have moved around and are shaped differently now.

G is exclusively breast fed, and yes, that does burn calories, BUT that also means I have to be careful and still take in the right amount of calories and not burn too many as to not hurt my supply or send toxins through my milk.  This has caused me to be VERY careful about what I eat for the first time ever.

I think women need to be more honest or at least speak out more about what actually to expect after giving birth.  Everyone is different and some people do have the weight just fall off, but to say that it happens for everyone gave me quite a complex for a while.  I wonder if I had it in my mind that it would take a long time (  more than instant) I would have been able to attack this differently.

I did lose 30 lbs right after G was born, and with some work, in the last 2 months I have lost another 10.  I am still 15 away from my goal, but I have a better mentality about it.

I look at my son and ask myself what is more important.  Fitting into my "skinny" jeans or nourishing him?   There isn't a question, of course I am going to put my son first.  After making that decision, I really started reevaluating all of my priorities.  I am not the same person I was pre baby.  My priorities have changed, just like they did after I got married.  I have this other person in my life who I want to put before myself.  His needs are my first priority and always will be.  I made the decision to stop worrying so much about what was on the scale and more how my baby is growing and thriving.  How every day he is becoming more active and has been the best thing to ever happen in my life.

I am continuing to be healthier, but not in the obsessive way I was before.  I do want to tone and continue on toward my goal, but for now my baby wants to eat and by gosh, I am going to feed him.











                                                          This is the day I gave birth.